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What does one do with a cucumber that’s two feet long?
August 23, 2010 | 21 Comments
Six of them? That’s twelve feet of cucumbers. I’ve put one on display in my living room.
The tag on the sapling said “Armenian cucumbers”, but these are some strange genus. Armenian cukes are delicious when really tiny.
Last year’s Armenian Cucumbers
According to Wiki,
The Armenian cucumber, Cucumis melo var. flexuosus, is a type of long, slender fruit which tastes like a cucumber and looks somewhat like a cucumber inside. It is actually a variety of melon (C. melo) closest relative to the cucumber (C. sativus). It is also known as the yard-long cucumber, snake cucumber, snake melon, and uri. It should not be confused with the snake gourds (Trichosanthes spp.). The skin is very thin, light green, and bumpless. It has no bitterness and the fruit is almost always used without peeling.
These, on the other hand, are dark green outside and taste bitter when you pluck them at six inches or so. Two days later, wham!!! They are this big. They seem to be some form of Asian cucumber – either Japanese or Korean. When mature, they have just a few seeds, aren’t very watery and quite crunchy and tasty.
Delta has claimed one as an arm rest.
Pandu Havaldar used one as his baton until he left on an overseas trip.
Seriously. I have 12 feet of cucumbers. And about 4 feet showing up each day. So I’ll have 16 feet tomorrow and at least 20 on Wednesday. If I leave them in a box on the curb, someone may call the cops ‘cos it looks like an anti-aircraft missile.
I may just drop them off at the local farmer’s stand for free. But what if the lady there freaks out and doesn’t want them? The food bank is far away and I could make one trip, but what about the new ones that grow each day?
I can put “free cukes” ads on craigslist or freecycle, but I don’t want weirdos showing up at my door.
If you have any other ideas, let me know. The one who plants weird stuff and deserves to be whacked with the fruits of his labour has fled the country. Delta doesn’t eat cucumbers. That leaves me to deal with these things. And remember, I can’t juice them ‘cos I recently donated my juicer.
May be I’ll just pile them up in a corner of the garage until the planter of said cucumbers returns. He can deal with them.
- b.
Filed Under: Armenian Cucumber, Asian Cucumber, cat blogging, Cucumber, Delta, GARDENING, Photo Essays, PHOTOGRAPHY
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21 Comments
You guys are always so funny. I loved the Pandu havaldar reference, took me back to my childhood in Bombay..and an interesting memory of Independance day celebrations in 1976..one of my cousins was hauled to jail by an irate policeman who did not like being called Pandu Havaldar…took it as a personal and professional insult and hauled away the terrified cousin in his police van before anyone could do anything. There was a big hullaballoo as all the male elders of the family scrambled to contact a lawyer, arrange bail, look up police contacts (neighbours brother’s son going to school with someone who lived next to an inspector types) etc. My cousin was released after he apologized and vowed never to call them Pandus again…bail was not required after all. Naturally none of the younger cousins ever forgot the lesson, and the words Pandu Havaldar got new respect and were never uttered loudly in public lest there be other touchy policemen in the vicinity, but of course frequently used to mercilessly taunt the cousin who probably still winces at the memory..
Ah, forgot to comment on the cucumbers: first of all, great looking cukes. Should grate well for some tratziki, which you can then take it to the office (?) since you don’t eat dairy. Or you can make it into a vegan traziki.
Or, grate the cucumbers and freeze them to use as face packs or eye pads. Very soothing.
You could try to make pickles with sliced cucumbers (yours look like the firm variety that would hold up well in a short term pickle- the kind that gets consumed in less than 2 months of pickling) Use vinegar, any sugar substitute (jaggery?) and a bit of salt and dunk the sliced cucumbers with a few onions in a jar in the fridge, and wait 5 days before you consume it, or gift it.
Or pulse them all in a blender and put the entire stuff into your bath water/foot soaker/..as long as you dont mind cucumber aroma around you for a while
Or, eat nothing but bowlfuls of cucumber-tomato salad everyday till J is back, and then tie a ribbon on the rest and present them to him
Sorry, no truly creative ideas. I won’t be surprised if your next post is cucumber cake; some exotic smoothie or a main course with cucumbers. I have faith!
Dont mean to be a comment hog. Just forgot to wish you Happy Onam. So: Happy Onam
I have been flooded with cucumbers over the last few weeks. Mine are the Persian Cucumbers, are edible without the need to be peeled. I make koshmalli, raita, greek salad or just slice it with salt and pepper or red chilli powder
So I didn’t get this part…unless I overlooked it. Why can’t you eat these healthy items growing in your backyard? Like make it your staple diet or somethign while its in season? Ze Gazpacho diet?
Pickle it.
Happy Onam!
Gazpacho is a great option for summertime. One of my favorites is a dosa from cucumbers and rava. My mom usually adds buttermilk to the batter, but I’ve seen variations (its common in Konkani households) without it (for a vegan version) like here – http://dalitoy.blogspot.com/2006/11/cucumber-dosa-taushe-doddak.html
and
http://www.aayisrecipes.com/2007/05/31/wheat-cucumber-dosa/
I LOOOOVE them – they are so simple and I just eat it with a pat of butter when its warm. But any kind of chutney would be great too.
I heart cucumbers in general. Just cut up with a pinch of salt and chilli powder…..crunch crunch….mmmmm. Perfect summertime snack.
You could grate the cucumbers and mix them with soaked ground urad dal, sesame seeds, whole pepper and dry them as vadis and then use them through out the year. That depends on if you have enough sun to do it. Besides cucumber is one ingredient that can be so easily used in many recipes viz. idlis (rice or broken wheat), dosas, savory muffins/ handvo and ofcourse salads. I could eat them everyday in a new recipe but I don’t have the bounty. Bhagwan jab deta hai to chhapar padke! LOL about the fleeing Pandu. Happy Onam to you.
Love it!
I guess you don’t like pickles…but you could pickle them and then gift them! Onam gifts. Splendid.
the cukes loaded after a long wait. great pics, unfortunately not there to enjoy them. thus far i haven’t found a great internet connection, even though everyone says it’s high-speed. guess we are spoilt state-side.
- pandu
Donate it to a porn film company?
Sorry, I know, it’s in baaaaad taste and I won’t mind if you dont publish it, but I just couldnt resist!
that lady at the farmer’s stand accepted them. maybe she plans to start said company.
I can see Mae West with her hands on her hips saying something about those obscene cukes – hope you two are having a great summer – just signed a book deal with Workman again – so that means recipe testing and writing – would love to get one of your recipes in – please send me an email and we can talk. Thanks.
oho, no comment-vetting before publication… I guess I’ve just put my poor taste in humour out there for all to see with just a click!
no comment moderation here except if you have a history of trolling.
All i can think of is making pickle with 14 or so cucumbers.
great looking cukes bee. I can think of pickles and gazpacho. Or just salad. But 20 feet of cukes is a lot of salad
What did you finally do?
[...] What does one do with a cucumber that’s two feet long? [...]
gorgeous picks n amusing read…:)
i second preeti…Im used to gtng bulk cukes from costco, peel n juice them [i know u've donated ur juicer..:(...]..freeze the juice n they are great eye packs, esp if u have drk eyes like mine..:D
Actually, you could juice them. Blend em up and then strain the blended concoction through a nut milk bag!