The penalty you pay for visiting this site is having to endure misleading headlines followed by useless morsels of trivia. So here’s the current installment involving scary things white and fluffy. Like CoolWhip™. And Sandra Lee.
Back in the day when we had cable, she was hands-down the most educative
chef assembler on Food Network. Each of her “semi-homemade” recipes involved 70% cans and containers that she opened in rapid succession with a little assistance from her silicone-augmented boobs. And 30% homemade. Or something.
I learnt that “corn nuts”, “sprinkles”, “canned frosting” and “Cool Whip” weren’t (just) sexual innuendo. They were the four food groups, at least two of which were used in each episode to embalm the victims of her culinary hate crimes. Isn’t it just darling on that gorgeous “tablescape” in the kitchen that matches her dress and sets your eyeballs on fire?
Baked Potato Ice Cream
For my fellow denizens from the Kingdom of Cluelessness, CoolWhip™ is a brand of “whipped topping” – a fake whipped cream that is routinely used in conjunction with food colouring to make things look like barf. The experts call it
“a delicious blend of sugar, wax, and condom lube”.
In some markets, such as Canada and the United States, CoolWhip™ is available in an aerosol can using nitrous oxide as a propellant.
I’ve since attended a few parties where the hostess gushed about her “Kulfi with Cool Whip” or a “trifle with whipped topping, what’s more, it’s vegan” and I’ve had to inform them “with great regret” that it’s not vegan, really. It’s got casein, a stabiliser derived from milk, and though I’d really really love to taste it, I’m sorry I can’t, ‘cos I’m so finicky.
And I’ve often wondered about the bobbleheads on TV and Youtube who laugh all the way to the bank while peddling cookbooks and websites with toxic advice under the guise of “convenience”. Does Sandra Lee look like she eats the crap that she features in her shows? I don’t think so.
That brings us to the express mango ice cream.
This is the easiest and one of the tastiest ice creams you’ll make. Three ingredients, five minutes. No ice cream machine. No Cool Whip.
This ice cream yields the perfect texture and consistency and is very easy to scoop even though it has not been “churned”. You can try replacing the mango pulp with pureed fruit (like berries, apricots or peaches) for countless variations.
You need three things.
1. White fluff
“My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy the ice cream while it’s on your plate.” ~ Thornton Wilder
As long as it doesn’t have wax and lube.
Like cynic, you can use:
** Truwhip, which is trans fat free and though not a health food, stays away from the toxic realm. Can’t beat the convenience, if used as an occasional indulgence.
TruWhip: Water, organic tapioca syrup, expeller-pressed palm kernel oil, organic cane sugar, organic palm kernel oil, contains less than 2% of each of the following: organic soy protein concentrate, sodium caseinate (milk protein), organic tapioca starch, natural flavors, organic soy lecithin, xanthan gum, guar gum. contains milk and soy.
Contains casein, so it’s not vegan.
Reddi Wip is dairy-based, but since it comes in an aerosol can and has nitrous oxide, it may not work for this purpose.
Cream, nonfat milk, corn syrup, sugar, mono- and diglycerides, natural and artificial flavors, carrageenan, nitrous oxide (propellant).
Has anyone used it to make ice cream or kulfi?
** Better yet organic heavy cream. Whip it using a whisk or hand blender until it doubles in volume.
Try and get a brand from a local dairy that has just one ingredient – cream. Sans carrageenan or preservatives. Organic Valley Pasteurised fits the bill. Ask your grocery store manager to stock it. The key word is “pasteurised”, not ultra-pasteurised. Organic Valley ultra-pasteurised (and 90% of the brands on the market) have carrageenan.
It may take you an extra 5 minutes, but it will be worth it.
Vegans can use Soyatoo! vegan whipped topping.
Ingredients: Soy drink (water, organic soybeans), organic coconut fat, organic palm butter, organic sugar beet syrup, organic corn maltodextrin, tartaric acid, seaweed extract (thickener), sea salt, natural vanilla extract
or try using this technique to whip up coconut cream.
You can use more than 10 oz if you wish, but that may dilute the mango flavour.
2. Canned Mango Pulp
Ingredients: Mangoes, sugar
Available at the Indian grocer in different brands. Indian mangoes like Alphonso and Kesar are very sweet to begin with, plus it has loads of added sugar.
3. Sweetened Condensed Milk
Since the mango pulp is so sweet, you can get away with 3/4 or even half a can of sweetened condensed milk. This time we used the whole can. If you simply use pureed mangoes without sugar, you can use the whole can.
EXPRESS MANGO ICE CREAM
Makes about 2 quarts.
10 oz tub of Truwhip
**or substitutes listed above
a 30-oz can of mango pulp
14-oz can (or less) of organic sweetened condensed milk
**or vegan dulce de leche
Mix together mango pulp and sweetened condensed milk with a whisk. Fold in the Truwhip gently. We use an electric hand mixer to blend everything together. Put into containers with lids and freeze for at least two hours.
A REQUEST FROM A READER
Nithya Kathiresan is a 27 year old lady from Orlando, Florida who was diagnosed with AML (a type of Blood Cancer) in January 2010. She is being treated with chemotherapy, but urgently needs a Bone Marrow transplant.
Unfortunately the HLA typing test, a donor test performed for tissue type matching, of her siblings was negative. The only available option now is to find an unrelated donor for her bone marrow transplant.
Getting registered as a donor:
If you are interested in saving somebody’s life, you need to register yourself as a potential donor at NMDP’s registry. The process of registering is very simple. You have to take the sample of your stem cells by rubbing an ear bud in your buccal cavity (mouth). However, this can be done when a donor drive is conducted in your city or your office. Please contact us, if you can arrange for a donor drive. Donor drives are required to collect many more samples at one go.
Becoming a donor:
If your HLA typing matches with that of any patient, you can donate your stem cells. This is absolutely voluntary. You have no obligation to go through the process if you feel uninclined at any stage. A bone marrow donation involves the extraction of a small amount of healthy HSC from donor’s bone (usually the hip bone) under general anaesthesia and storing it in a marrow bag for the subsequent administration to the recipient in a process similar to blood transfusion. You can usually return back to your day-to-day life immediately.
If you think you could help Nithya, please contact her family. Details at http://helpnithya.com/
- bee (and jai)