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Life’s Lessons
March 25, 2010 | 16 Comments
Three months ago, at the shelter, they lined up all the kittehs. The lady in uniform walked down the row and asked each one of us:
“What kind of human do you like best?”
Pascal the fat orange tabby yelled: “One with lots of noms. A pile of kibble in each corner and a fountain of clam juice in each room.” He’s a real lolcat, that one.
The ragdoll kitty rolled over and said: “Humans who give scritches and tummy rubs.”.
This was a potentially life-altering decision. I briefly considered plying her with some human-grade bullshit: “I want people who will enable me to achieve mastery over my needs to achieve the full potential that informs the reason for my presence on this Earth. I want to be a self-actualized cat.”
Then I looked at the lady. She was kinda bored, impatient and not too bright. So I took a deep breath, evaluated my ontological position and said: “People who’ll buy me lots of toys.”
After all, even a human child’s level of materialism is directly connected to her self-esteem.
So I got humans who gave me lots of toys. Cheap ones. By “toys” I actually meant a multi-level cat tree. My miserly humans pretended not to understand.
Lesson 1: When you want something, be as specific as you can be.
When they brought me home, they gave me a corrugated cardboard scratch lounge. Where in the hell did they get that piece of fugliness?
I wanted that damn cat tree with the sisal scratching posts that I saw on the videos the shelter gave my humans. Girl human went to the pet store, looked around and exclaimed: “I’m not paying $150 for that crap.” She even started getting all technical: “A cat tree is listed under FURNITURE, not under toys.”
Sigh. Well, you can’t have everything in life. Unless you’re idiotically useless, that is.
Lesson 2: More important than noms, scritches and toys are humans who are not stingy.
I formulated a new strategy and the tactics to achieve it. I started crawling under their bed and scratching the mattress box spring. I used to sleep on the bed at night. Now, I started sleeping under it with a periodic “scratch scratch scratch” to remind them of my um… potential.
And I had to revise my expectations. I drew a custom plan with two seats, two sisal scratching posts and lots of dangling toys, near the patio door please. I gave boy human the plan.
“Let’s make a deal,” I said. “You build me this and I’ll stop sharpening my claws on the box spring.”
“That is big and tacky”, he mumbled. He rummaged around the garage and pulled out some carpet remnants and pieces of wood. I was making some headway.
Lesson 3: “Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.” ~ Sun Tzu
Last weekend I accepted delivery of my custom furniture. Total cost: $18 (for 100 feet of sisal rope).
And that pesky robin from last year? He stays away from the patio.
Lesson 4: It never hurts to ask for what you want.
- Delta
Filed Under: cat blogging, Delta, MUSINGS
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16 Comments
Oh, what a lucky and sweet girl! Our kitties’ tree is falling apart, literally…
Cheers,
Rosa
loved the post!! that is an awesome cat tree… didnt even know they existed!! delta sure is one lucky beast!! (i mean that in a nice way!)
they is still be stingy, but they iz got power toolz. – delta.
Wow! I wish I were Delta my Chimi might say if she sees this.
Hi hi now after seeing the toys you buy for her i wish i was the cat in your place
As always, very impressed w/ Jai’s carpentry skills. A neighbor had one these cat trees and she paid a lot of money to buy it.
its a bit wonky. but won’t fall apart.
function beats form!
-jai
Jai and Bee
Enjoyed the post. Visiting the site after a long time, after getting Jai’s mail.
Noticed the name of the cat – Delta… Intentional? Or, coincidence?
Cheers
SD
we just kept the same name as the shelter.
-Jai
Wow Jai have to admit …you have some great creativity and wonderful carpentry skills…
Delta is lucky
And this post wow i absolutely loved it
Love the cat and the cat tree.awesome.
Hats off to Jai…and I am closing this soon asap before my kids see these toys. They might think “Wow, we wish we were born there ”
Be prepared, now Delta has her Scratching Splendor Spot, and a two seater at that, the next request/demand may be for a little brother or sister to share it with!.
oooh, she’s one very lucky cat!:))))
have you tried some catnip on her?:) it’s such a treat for cats. my cats absolutely love it. they go completely crazy from only a wiff.:)
she doesn’t seem to care for catnip. maybe she will after she grows up a bit.
That’s a smart girl. I am writing this with tears of laughter in my eyes. I suspect that the next chapter will be the rec room: be prepared.