Recent Posts
-
Admin
Apr
23
A bully is like a bug in its habitat.
April 23, 2009 | 23 Comments
Last night we watched part of movie called “MicroCosmos” about insects in their natural habitats. Astoundingly beautiful and entertaining.
Somehow, it triggered a memory of something I read somewhere a long time ago about dealing with bullies:
“Watch them with curiosity and amusement, like a bug its habitat.”
By “bully” here we mean an ignoranus (an insecure person who combines ignorance with azzholery).
Bullying can be overt or covert and includes
“behavior that intimidates, degrades, offends, or humiliates (someone), often in front of others. Bullying behavior creates feelings of defenselessness in the target and undermines an individual’s right to dignity….
Bullying is different from aggression. Whereas aggression may involve a single act, bullying involves repeated attacks against the target, creating an on-going pattern of behavior. “
It can be subtle, like a patronising remark at the dinner table. Or overt, like discrimination at the workplace based on race.
Child and School Bullying
Bullying in the Family
Workplace Bullying
In the corporate setting,
“Bullying consists of the least competent most aggressive employee projecting their incompetence on to the least aggressive most competent employee and winning.”
~ Tim Field
The tools and options to combat bullying available to a child in a classroom or playground vary in their repertoire from those available to an adult, say at work, at home, or in a public setting.
Dealing with bullying involves various strategies aimed at
Regaining control:
Recognising that you are not the source of the problem. The problem lies with the bully’s desire to assert control and garner attention, not with your performance.
Taking action:
Documenting the behaviour, evaluating your options, reporting the behaviour to the appropriate authorities, etc.
Reacting appropriately to bullying calls for emotional detachment – not in the sense of being unable to empathise with others, but through a positive mental assertiveness. The latter allows us to maintain our boundaries and our integrity in the face of relentless demands (emotional, cognitive and material) from another person or group of people.
It’s the indifference a parent shows to a child throwing a tantrum for a cookie before dinner – not because of a lack of empathy, but because of the refusal to be manipulated.
I love the idea of regarding a bully as a bug in its habitat.
This dad can either choose to be exasperated by his son’s tantrum, or observe him like one would watch an exotic creature is a National Geographic documentary. It can be therapeutic and quite entertaining.
Have a running documentary in your head:
“The bug crawls to its lair. Now, it rolls on the ground and emits a strange sonic vibration.”
Sometimes, you may find yourself smack in the bully’s turf as he/she gets right in your face. That’s a very vulnerable position to be in. You want to be respectful while standing your ground and keeping your boundaries intact. Think of him/her as Lucas the Destroyer in the movie The Ant Bully.
Lucas Nickle’s the new kid in town and the local bully, Steve, makes sure he knows it. Lucas gets so fed up with being bullied, he takes out his frustration on ants in his backyard in hilarious ways, like squirting them with his garden hose or stamping on the ant hill. The ants are understandably fed up with this and Zoc the ant wizard uses a potion to shrink him down to ant size! Lucas is sentenced to hard labor in the ruins and learns to be more compassionate to ants.
Minimise the bully mentally into Lucas in the anthill. I saw an example of this a couple of days ago.
Special Forces officer and Army Captain Dave Rittgers (the guy on the right) used the “bug in its habitat” technique splendidly with Faux’s Bill O’Reilly.
Detach emotionally, have no expectations, state the facts, stand your ground and try not to erupt into laughter as BillO bloviates until he’s blue in the face.
As O’Reilly huffs, puffs, yells at his guests and finally comes unglued with “I’m getting impatient with you gentlemen”, you can see the wheels in their heads turning:
“It’s grunting to itself … “
“It contorts its visage and rolls its beady eyes … “
“The creature flails its antennae … “
“Holy smackers !!! It’s about to bust a blood vessel !!! “
Talking of torture, why waterboard someone or pull out their nails when you can make them listen to O’Reilly? Or Glenn Beck?
- bee
Filed Under: bees, bulllying, bully, MUSINGS
|
23 Comments
Honesty is the best way to deal with bullies,most of the times because bullies don’t expect the bullied to stand up against them.. Also, the reason people put up with bullies is one’s own insecurities. If we get rid of our insecurities, bullies will leaves us alone..
That is one of the most beautiful photos I’ve seen lately! The gold on the bee is absolutely beautiful!
Maryann xox
Bully are always scared inside and they hit you first so they can be safe. Hit them back, see how they run and never bother you again! ;p
LOL @ Ignoramus defn, so true! My FIL is one, a BIG one!
That kid needs some discipline and some fear of authority. None of my kids did that even once. You have to teach them to respect others when they are very young. I have seen kids bite their mothers face and scratch etc. when they want to buy toys and mom can’t afford it in the Malls. So wrong!!!
A stunning shot, wow!
Cheers,
Rosa
Interesting take on bullies! And very effective too!
I bullied as a kid. But I wasn’t a bad bully, in my defence. But yes, my parents didn’t spare me even then. And boy, am I glad or what!
Easily one of your best pictures.
Wonderful analogy. I was shocked watching the faux video! Bullies scare me, and I always think of a comeback well after the moment has passed
Bee, I think you’ll crack up at this vid (link) I found via kottke.org.
i love me some auto-tooned noose. lol.
Thanks for that very well written post and the beautiful pic.
Unfortunately, bullying has being given a more “acceptable” tag in India – its called Ragging.
It’s rampant in colleges – especially the ones in smaller towns and just recently cost the life of Aman Kachroo – a young lad taken in the prime of his life.
Governments debate endlessly about laws and regulations, principals and college authorities are not made accountable for what happens on their campus and parents tell their children that this is all part of growing up.
If the only way to “bond” and “fit in” is by humiliating your juniors and stripping them of their dignity, then our youth are obviously getting the wrong message somewhere.
Miri
Thanks for a fascinating take on an often ignored topic.
Obviously bullying knows no geographic boundaries and the results can be tragic. There are anti-bullying laws proposed trying to provide US school children. I think some early bullying behaviors are unfortunate practice for what will evolve to become hate crimes in adulthood.
I doubt we’ll be able to keep the aggressive impulses of our young ones in control so long as their elders are busy bullying each other in various ways as displayed on the nightly news however. Be(e) the change you want to see in the world…(sorry, couldn’t resist). Have a lovely weekend, all.
Protect, not provide. Yikes. Protect US school children. Sorry about that – not enough coffee for the editing skills to have kicked in yet this AM.
Thanks for raising this issue, bee. It is such an important one.
Im discussing with a colleague of mine about how disgusted I am with the ragging that goes in India, and she is arguing that ‘light ragging is fine as long as its fun’…. how can light bullying for fun be ok, …..disgusted I am…I’m telling u
That pic is beyond gorgeous.
I’m not sure if I ever really got bullied; it was more of people talking smack about me behind my back. Even at that it was emotionally distressing; I dunno how I would’ve been able to cope if they actually tortured me.
Bee, gorgeous photo. Bullies, we deal with them as kids as adults, there are definitely certain companies whose culture grooms bullies, the one I worked for last certainly did but there were neither as beautiful or mesmerizing as a bug in its habitat. I have been trying to figure out what that could be!
BEEyoooooooootiful picture!
LOL at teh tantrum! ( just coz I am watching it .. wonder how I will react if my Son does that?!
Nice post, Bee! Some of those links and about that PA that you posted before have been very helpful. Thanks!
I finally understand some people better… haven’t figured yet how to deal with them yet.. but getting there.
lovely picture
I do find the most effective techniques for dealing with bullies is a) walk away from them and b) poke fun at them. I was bullied as a kid and still am to some degree as an adult. I do not consider violence an option and am generally not quick enough with comebacks to use them effectively, so stick to the above two options mostly and it works in 95% of situations. A third option, as illustrated above, is to be reasonable until they flip and show themselves for the idiot that they are…
This is spectacular– like a National Geographic shot.
This one I liked.O Reilly oh really!
I have to ‘buzz’ into the room to thank you for sharing this beautiful photo…AND…this discussion.
I would prefer death, by bee stings, over another attack by my feared bully. Sometimes it is best to accept that we cannot change a person, but we can re-direct our destiny. I keep my visits brief with my MIL and I accept that I am her greatest failure. There is joy in knowing I haven’t disappointed her, if only in this manner.