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Mommas come in all flavours …
March 24, 2009 | 28 Comments
Found this site called Postcards From Yo Momma. These are real quotes and conversations people received from their mothers.
This is the reality of being a parent. You work, you sweat, you cry, you bleed. And then your kid grows up to tell you you have a cheap purse.
Whiny passive-aggressive martyr:
I am making a New Year’s Resolution, to try very very very hard to be the mother that you want me to be. I will not offer any advice on any matter, unless it is requested. And then I will advise very cautiously, so as not to overstep your limits of desired information. I will not talk about people or things you don’t want to hear about, or at least as long as I am aware of those things or people. These resolutions should allow you to decide where in your life if at all you wish me to be. What this means of course, is that I will not be able to call you very much, because there would be nothing for me to call about. So you will have to initiate calls. That will make it easier for me to adhere to my resolutions. If I accidentally write things in emails that are inappropriate, you can blast me back, like you usually do, and that should shut me up, and get me back on track. But I promise, I will do my very best to stay out of your life the way you want me to. Love you, Mom
I hate internet dating. All the men want to cuddle and take walks in the rain. Do you know what my hair looks like when it’s wet?
Mom wrote at 8:50pm:
Today dad was putting happy face stamps on peoples hands at the homeshow and he asked me if i wanted him to give me a happy face but I told him Later
Backstory: My fiance and I spent the weekend at my parent’s lake house, and evidently left behind a CD that I burned for him to listen to in the car, a long while back.
Mom: I found a CD on the bureau in the third bedroom that had “I (heart) you” on it. Looks like your writing.
Me: Oh. Sry. We must have left that by accident.
Mom: Is that your lovemaking cd?
Me: What? NO! Did u LISTEN 2 it?
Mom: No, I did not want to think of you and Jason making sweet love on that new mattress that I just bought, tainting it.
Me: MOM! It’s a CD with rock music on it. Seether, Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, Shinedown, etc. I highly doubt that we would be hittin’ it to that!
Mom: I have never heard of those bands. Is that what Denise calls “Kill Your Mother Music”?
Me: Knowing her, probably.
Mom: Well, it could be possible you use it for that. Some people like rough sex.
Me: OK Mom, that’s enough. But no, it is not our “lovemaking” CD.
Mom: Ok….I’ll mail it. Wait! Does it have any music on it from that Kahnyay person? A nurse at the hospital was having a fit her daughter was listening to his music????????? I wanted to hear some.
Me: NO, there is no KANYE West on there.
Mom: Okay, well maybe you should check him out. He might make some good music to sex to.
Please don’t hey me. And please don’t write telephono. As a language teacher (and as your mother), that offends and annoys me. And what is <3 ? Is that a woman with a dunce cap and large breasts?
- tu mami
For Christmas, your great-Aunt F sent me a postcard wishing me success in the reconciliation of my marriage.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, she sent me a DVD about saving my marriage the Christian way. She said “Even though I am a Christian, I’m not trying to convert you. I accept that you are not a Christian, but I hope you’ll find this helpful.”
I’m gonna write her back- “Even though I am a sinner, I’m not trying to convert you. I accept that you’re not a sinner, but I hope you’ll find this helpful.”
The note will be attached to a vibrator.
- bee
Filed Under: MUSINGS
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28 Comments
Thanks for posting this. I like the last one the best, especially the part,” The note will be attached to a vibrator”
‘Hilarious mom’ reminded me of mine- indignant, curious and creative with a splash of unwittingly witty comic relief. Gosh, I miss her!
Good one Bee…enjoyed reading.
LOL @ “Hilarious” and “Fashion challenged!”!
Welcome to my mommy World, Amiga and most probably my future World too!
Oh, this post is by Amigo! ;D
The last one is very funny.. the Whiny passive-aggressive matyr- sounds too familiar and so common between a Nosy Mother and a Married Son.
Good qoutes….Like the first one.
I’ve been following your blog for quite some time now. Both of you write beautifully and I’ve enjoyed your pictures and your posts on food and travel.
It deeply saddens me though that someone who is so well read and writes on health, travel and food is so blindly prejudiced about an entire community. This is not the first post where you’ve poked fun at Christians. Your prejudice does not inspire me to come back to your site these days. Yeah, I know it may not be a great loss for you but it is for me and for whatever it is worth, I wanted to let you know that. It is your site and you are free to say what you want. I’ve just lost my interest in what you have to say anymore..
Regards,
Penny
We have no problems with Christians as a group. All the Christians we know have a sense of perspective and a funny bone. – bee and jai
Hah! Oh, mom, everyone sins in their own way
Jai and Bee, don’t be baited by the fake outrage. There are some who seek and find offense in any situation.
- A Hundred Pennies
Hilarious!! and funny still “dollar…a hundred pennies” (in the comments!)!! haha!
Roll all those above into one, and that’s my mum!
Really funny…I’m hoping against hope that I don’t turn into one of these!
Miri
I had a wonderful start on a rainiy dull day here reading the so so funny post.
I guess we can be a bit of everything, in one situation or another.
Dunno if this is relevant but this post triggered it – I feel sad when I hear of moms who say they will (and do) stop having a say in their daughters’ lives once they are married – I’m not talking about interference but about distancing oneself and relinquishing all claims over the daughter over to the son-in-law and his family and their authority – I’m so glad my mom doesn’t do that. I don’t always like it but her having an opinion about what I do, what I wear, how I look, even when I’m all grown up and adult is a sign she’s still actively involved with me.
As annoying/adorable as Moms can be, and mine was no exception, I certainly am sad to have her physically gone now for over a decade (she died in ’91). While death does not necessarily mean there is no relationship at all, I do miss my Mom very much and wonder what it would be like to go through my own trials parenting adult kids with her humor and insight to guide me.
Thanks for a great post, Bee.
PS – as a Christian I didn’t see anything offensive in the post at all – nothing prejudicial either. Sorry somebody felt it was OK to take a swipe at you that way. Maybe they should get that log out of their own eye, first???
Lol…My future–the hilarious lol
All that i can say here is Thank God my mother is not like any of these,and i wish i too am able to be like her in my future
(I know bee is going to fret and fume over this…hey lady no hard feelings….)
Thankfully i come from that Middle class background where moms are as doting as they can be,but still know where to draw a line
And hey i can see u guys had enough of fun at MOMS expense….u naughty naughty fellows,may God bless you with a kid who wont write any of the above scripts for you
LOL my mom was some of this, if not all of this! She was nosey, cute and hilarious!
Sent this to both my mom and my mother-in-law. Thanks!
That last one was funny!
LOL.
Thanks for bringing me my biggest smile of the day!
Nice post
) Enjoyed reading …
Oh MY! I am rolling with laughter here! I can see a little of my mom in some of the above…gosh this reminded me how much I love her wonky ways
Thanks for posting this!
I just loved the last one. Could’nt stop laughing!
I just love the first quote! Enjoyed!
LOL! Loved all the quotes. Thanks for the good laughs and chuckles. I definitely needed it.
Paz
Hi Bee,
My little m. worked long and hard to get her A1C (three month’s avg. of blood glucose level) down from nearly 10 (atrocious) to 8 (reasonably good for a teenager). Then, according to her doctor, it would be safe to have her nose pierced.
I researched (gasp) tattoo parlors, the only place in MA where one can undergo such a procedure. The place I chose was an hour’s drive, full of guys with hideous lip-rings and gals covered in tattoos, but the staff was trained and licensed. The piercing room was completely sterile, with a hospital-grade autoclave. The needle was a pre-packaged one-time-use model. I turned my back and held my baby’s hand while her nose was pierced by a girl with lime-green hair.
Saturday she said MOM! three weeks ago I got my nose pierced!!
I burst into tears. It’s not yet far enough in the past for me to laugh about it.
Gotta love moms
dear linda,
thanks for sharing that beautiful story. all girls ought to have a momma like you.