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On Bitching and Beets
November 13, 2008 | 62 Comments
I’ve been informed by some readers that they don’t like my Sophisticated Insults series, ‘cos “they come across as bitchy.” Well, there’s hope. A recent study shows that women become less bitchy after the age of 50. Give me some time.
Women become less bitchy as they get older, scientists claim. They say those aged 50 and over are more likely to warm to other females because they no longer see them as rivals. Many are keen to befriend younger women or even mother them, the study found.
As for men, they blow the women out of the water when it comes to bitchiness.
A UK recruitment website which questioned thousands of visitors about office life discovered that men, rather than women, are the true office gossips.
Not only that, they are more likely to take bribes, sleep their way to the top, steal the ideas of a colleague and pass them off as their own or to resort to character assassination.
The survey was designed to assess how politically correct office life had become, but instead demonstrated just how far it has yet to go. Bad behaviour is rife, if the anonymous correspondents are to be believed. And men are at the heart of most of it.
More than six times as many men as women admitted they would spread rumours at work. Four times as many men as women said they would steal a colleague’s idea. Meanwhile men were three times more likely to sleep with their boss in a bid to get ahead.
However, the authors note: “Females did outdo their male counterparts with ‘playing the sympathy vote’ to advance their careers.”
Worse, there’s no study to show that men get better with age. That’s the evidence backed up by behavioural analysis conducted by experts. Now here’s my own conjecture based on observation, filtered through my biased frame of reference.
I find it interesting that the word ‘bitchy’ is always used to refer to females – especially by other women. I suspect most times, female bitchiness is directed at their own gender, while men are equal opportunity bitches who target those around them without discrimination.
I also suspect that ‘bitchy’ has a more pejorative connotation than ‘snarky’. Jai’s capable of some real zingers, but he’d be accused of being snarky, rarely bitchy. It’s just a matter of semantics, and both of us concur that the Sophisticated Insults are meant to make the other person ponder for a moment before he/she repeats the offensive behaviour. They are BANKING on you to subscribe to the cult of ‘nice’ and humour their lack of boundaries. It’s okay to disappoint them.
I’ve observed that while women may get less ‘bitchy’ as they get older, they get nosier and ask more inappropriate questions than their younger counterparts. These questions, followed by ‘advice’, are almost always aimed at other women, disguised as ‘concern’ or altruism (“I was trying to hellllppppp.”) The reasons for giving unsolicited advice are often less than desirable. Whether you’re at a party or on a long-distance train journey, someone’s bound to ask:
“Why aren’t you married yet?”
or
“Why haven’t you had a baby yet?”
My preferred responses are:
“Can you keep a secret??? So can I.”
or
“Never, ‘cos I just love hearing this question.”
or
I’ll forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering.
Most men will consider the topic closed at this juncture. Many women, though, can’t help plowing on. It doesn’t matter if she met you for the first time five minutes ago or is a relative. If you open the door just a crack by attempting an honest answer, (like “I don’t want kids.”) YOU. ARE. TOAST.
Nine times out of ten, the person is above 50, female, and is very proud of her own demonstrated ability to procreate. She is brimming with wisdom that she shares without any solicitation on your part. “You’d make such a good mothheerrrrr.” “You need to complete your fammmilleeeee.”
I thought my family was already “complete”. I guess not. Jai and I are chopped liver until we produce Xerox copies of ourselves.
I imagine most of you are inclined to be nicer than I am. What would you say to the “start a family” bit? Make the retort no longer than ten words, please. I’ll need to use it after I turn fifty. Until then, if accosted by one of these “concerned aunties” (or “uncles”), I’m inclined to say:
What’s your sex life like? (pause) Oh, sorry, I thought it was the time for inappropriate questions.
**Bee climbs off soapbox**
Beet, Carrot and Apple Juice
Coming to beets (if you’re trying to forge a connection with the previous section of the post, there isn’t any), they’re probably the most polarizing vegetable. People either love them or hate ‘em. They’ve gradually grown on me. To put it in election parlance, they’re like Ohio – started off as a “toss up state”, then “leans Obama”, then “blue”.
I realise that I like the flavour of beets. It’s the cumbersome prep that got to me. Steam or roast them, then peel them, then chop them and wonder what to do with them. Moreover, I love the flavour of raw grated beets in a salad much more than I like them cooked.
We got a lot of beets in our garden this year which we grew mostly for the beet greens.
The easiest and tastiest way to consume them is by juicing them with other veggies and fruits. Taste them raw, no peeling required.
I used
2 parts carrots (ours were homegrown)
2 parts apples
1 part beets
a tiny knob of ginger
I’m going to buy more beets just to make this again.
This is our entry for Jihva for Ingredients: Carrots hosted by The Best Cooker.
Talk to you next Monday.
- bee
A MEMORIAL CELEBRATION FOR BRIANA
The Brownlow-Brush-Grey family has organised an event to commemorate Briana’s life and memory on December 14, 2008 in Santa Rosa, California. It would have been her 32nd birthday. If you wish to attend, please RSVP by November 23. Details at figswithbri.com.
Filed Under: Apple, beetroot/beet, Carrot, GARDENING, Ginger, MUSINGS, Sophisticated Insults Series, vegan recipes, vegetarian recipes
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62 Comments
Dramatically whisper: “I am a transvestite.”
OMG, I wouldn’t want you any other way. PLEASE, more bitchiness. I think it charming. I find people who don’t have a smartass sense of humor to be a bit on the dull side. I *like* that you smash people’s audacious preconceived notions to bits. You make me laugh, the good way.
Hee hee Bee ..good one! I’ve been in a distance marriage most of my married life , so my response has always been “oh …is that possible through a telephone?”
This is scheduled to come on at The Singing Chef… very soon
I like it as a breakfast drink 
I can so identify with what you’ve written here.
“Many women, though, can’t help plowing on. It doesn’t matter if she met you for the first time five minutes ago or is a relative. ”
http://onlineraga.blogspot.com/2008/06/idle-minds-do-they-really-exist.html
where I wrote: “One lady told me it was high time I had a baby! (She didn’t know me 60 minutes prior to making this statement.)”
Which knife helped you cut your carrots like that?? Or maybe you were thinking of the 50-something aunties asking inappropriate questions?
You know, when you did your post on FMMN on women being unkind to women, I visited so many times to leave a comment about male bitchiness – the real ‘bitches’, IMHO – but just couldn’t put only a few words to the argument, and I wanted to be balanced too. In my career, which is not very varied but dominated by men anyway in the few jobs I’ve been in, I’ve see how bitchy they can be. I believe almost everything that has been said in Quote # 2.
Glad to see that you’ve provided us with some more repartees in this post. When someone not so close asked me if I had any good news, I smiled broadly and told them I’d been promoted.
Your take on “oh, the horror of not believing in god!!”?
Here’s one I used for a bit (author unknown – worked very well):
Q: When are you having kids?
“I don’t breed well in captivity”.
some call it bitchiness others call it straightforwardness. it depends how “insulted” or how personally you take the comments. i like you the way you are – so i am thinking i have to make sure you do not change too much after 50!!
I don’t know if it is nosey-ness or or just curiosity…we are like that only. And everyone likes a good gossip – they keep the neighbourhood active. I am so bad I don’t know what is happening next doors – if only I was friends with the neighbourhood gossip or even knew who he/she was!
Many years ago, V was asked that question by my MIL’s close pal. His answer: “prayatna tchaloo ahe!” rendered her speechless. Don’t know if you can use that at 50+ though…
Poor Bee
Since we don’t go out much in social circles, we’ve managed to avoid nosy people who wonder why we haven’t expanded our family, but I know we shall encounter people like that one day. If a lady asks me this, I think I shall look around furtively, lean close to her and whisper, “Don’t tell anyone … I hide them (the kids) in the basement. I’m too young to look like a mother, aren’t I?”
Well said, Sra! I just hate that “any good news” question!
Your response is a variation of mine:
Q. When are you going to have kids?
A. When’s the last time you had sex?
Keep up the insults! I’m loving them.
The juice looks pretty good, too.
Oh my. I wouldn’t dream of telling another blogger how to run their blog. Oh well. Whatever you think is right
Anyway, I think the difference between snarky and bitchy is the first just refers to a sarcastic/snappy tone, while the second refers to a real wish for others to fall on their faces. I dunno. I’ve actually heard of a woman being called an asshole/jerk. I think that’s generally the “male equivalent” for bitch. I reserve those terms for television characters and ridiculous professors 
I have faced this a lot and that is because I let them, not anymore. So my answer,”Hmm, after seeing your kids, we have decided to raise dogs”
Yeah, sounds rude, but I have had it with unsolicited advise and so called “concern”
I would hate to see u otherway… Bee, keep rocking
I have a big note put on our door “Sarcasm, another service we provide”. I think I need to add Bitchiness too
Loved the post!Can relate to it so well.I replied by “how good is your sex life”?when she asked why I’m not married yet.
Q: When are you having kids?
A: Whenever you are ready to be a surrogate.
Bee: I am over 50. Some women are always been nosy/pushy with advice. You notice older ones more because they are not in your peer group.
Folks with no boundaries have no special rights to your personal information.
Tell them to “F off, please!” and leave them with their already formed poor opinions intact, I’d say. How’s that for over 50/still bitchy? : )
Love this post, don’t worry about the others who may want you to change your tone
Haven’t been here in a while, life got busy. Love the new layout! 
Hehehe…good one Bee. Liked to read this post. V once told a relative that when we have a kid she will be the first one we would call and inform. She never asked about it again
.
One thing I have noticed is, they all keep their mouth shut till they or their daughter/son don’t have kids. They wont the whole world to have kids once they have a “good news” in their home.
“We were kissing and kissing and nothing happened”.
Well bee I have a liovely daughter, but still when i got back to India each time they ask when are you going to have a another child and i am like huh one is more than enough , this goes on every time when i am there. Now I tell the people who ask me I am too OLD to have a another child
I have noticed, none od the friends or family ask me here these questions, but the moment i am in India i get this question regularly.
And don’t stop bitching, i come here to read those
Love them , it always puts a huge smile on my face.
Love the responses to the pesky questions. I’m armed, thanks to your post. Till now, I have always simmered in annoyance, especially with so-called close relatives.
Enjoy all your posts, I think the people who thought they were bitchy are the ones posing all these questions.
Very Thought provoking post , since thts the most common question that keep ringing in ears .B4 i had my first kid i heard this from so called well wishers umpteen number of times.Then finally when i had one,same people quizzed me abt when i m gonna have another and COMPLETE the family ? How the hell they think that our Family is incomplete with one kid ?
Previously i tried to be a GOOD bahu and kept silent ,but not anymore…so my reply to them is that in this scenario of regressive economy of the world , we simply cannot afford(financially) to have another kid,unless u provide a loan
Finally to piss u off ,i wud like to ask why do u need the retorts for the same question even after fifty ? No body will ask u this question after that age ,not atleast in India coz here women seldom reproduce after 50,except ofcourse in those Soap operas where Grandmothers live past 200 years too
men are more likely to sleep with their boss to get ahead? Assuming the boss matches their sexual orientation, isn’t that like saying men will watch the sports game if it is left on television?
I think that when women are jerks, we call them bitchy, and when men are jerks we call them assholes. Unless they are gay, then they get to be bitchy. And so if you really want to get under the skin of a sexually insecure male, call him bitchy!
Yes, both genders can be machiavellian and nasty. Welcome to the wonderful human race. I don’t bother to keep score as to which gender is worse. What does dismay me is how mean women can be to each other. I think men who are mean are mean to everyone, while some women will take advantage of other women in a way they would never do to men. Then again, there’s probably plenty of counter-examples so it’s hard to draw conclusions from anecdotal evidence.
But back to the most important issue, if a handful of readers don’t get your sense of humor, that’s their problem, not yours!
Well said Bee! Everyone would have at least heard this questions in their lifetime… You have one kid or none , that doesn’t make any difference in India ! Simply I don’t answer any of this questions.
Pretty sure that you re not going to change in 50′s
Bee..I hope you never turn 50..;-)!!
I’ve found what’s worse than being asked about having babies is when you get a condescending and dismissive, “Oh, you’ll understand when you have kids” or “Oh, you’ll change your mind when you get older.” Which are both brilliant chess moves on the part of the Unsolicited Advice Giver since they effectively shut down further conversation. I usually go blank and then come up with the perfect snarky response approximately three minutes after they’ve swept off in a cloud of smug satisfaction. I need to practice more.
Bee…Please keep them coming….i just love love to read them….the best response i liked – “I’ll forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering”.Sometime back one of my relative did ask me “Isnt it too late for you to have a baby”?You are getting old.Heck i am just 27 yrs!!!Kept my mouth shut ,just stared.SHe has never asked me that again.Some of my relatives (couple ) site my example as a reason for not starting a family of theirs….But sometimes i wonder how many people should i answer or stare? why should i? Really when will people grow up!!!!!
I like the ‘bitchiness’ bit here in this post. I am 33 and my husband is 35 and we both love kids, ahem..others’ kids. So, whenever the question of ‘good news’, ‘something special?’ is posed by the various cousins, relatives and the neighbours, I smile coyly, and tell them that they will be the first to know when it happens. I am also going to try some new lines from now on, “You know, my husband is gay. And we have a marriage of convenience.”
“If only you’d left the world a nice enough place for me to consider bringing children in it”
Bitchiness is usually not my style – but I love the power it gives me
oh you are being bitchy huh? and the ones that hail the comments/questions to u in the first place are saints descended from heaven I guess….
when ppl say “Its high time I shuda done ABC..”
My prompt response is ..”Really..?”, glancing at my watch, “you know I always procrastinate and I’m so bad at time management!”
Beetchy. I like.
Beechi (Bee chechi), I like more
Many so called words of ”concern” have made their way to my ears, and caused distress…but, not any more…I’ve grown my fangs.
Keep up your good work…and don’t think the ”concern” stops after having kids
I came across your site via a google search. OMG I just love this post. Its getting pretty interesting on my side.After the initial “any good news” kinda questions, now they automatically assume we have some health problem. They would talk about all the new technology in medicine..blah blah blah. The next time I visit India, ‘m just gonna get a gun and shot the brains out of these people.
Keep on bitchin’ sister! It’s your blog. And I love your suggestions for the why haven’t you had kids yet question. I’ll have to use them.
And sometime back, we were visiting my sister in law at her MIL’s place and the MIL said, “Agli baar bina bachche ke yahaan aana hi mat” and I said, “Theek hai, nahin aayenge!”
I always reply to “so when are you giving us good news?” or similarly nosey questions with “and from when is that any of your business?” most people turn shades of red and have an “i cant believe you actually said that” expression….they also look very silly and immediately find an excuse to “just come back in a minute” works like a charm!!
love the pic….what have you used for the base?? is it textured paper??
LOL! YOU are funny! Keep being who you are.
I’m going to have to remember some of those responses so that I can use them myself. heh heh heh!
I love your photo above and the beet juice recipe. Just recently my mom was saying she wanted to eat more beets but she (nor I) knew how to prepare it. She bought a beet but it sat on the kitchen table till we had to throw it away. I guess first, I have to look for a juicer, huh?
Paz
It is just as bad here in Italy, when old ladies ask me why I haven’t had another child (or tell me that I should) I smile at them as brightly as possible and tell them that *Chi cent’anni gli vuole far, i cazzi propri le devi far* which roughly translated is … if you want to live to 100, mind your own d*** business. But it rhymes in Italian
You come up with real good retorts!
I love them! Please do keep them coming, Bee.
I see most of the comments talk about people asking couples about kids when they don’t what them!
I had a different experience. I have two girl friends who are not married but they take everything personally.
Once I asked (We met after being out of touch for a year) – You still stay at Sion?
She was so miffed, she said – Why can’t you just say that you want to know why I am not married still!
Huh?? Why should even bother about that. It is not my life!!
Another acquaintance:
I say – Your eyes are beautiful, you don’t require a liner, out of genuine appreciation as she really does have beautiful eyes.
She says – But you are the one who had a love marraige!
There are always two sides to a coin.
Bitchiness aside; actually, Bee, I’ve gotten some of those questions myself, except I get this beforehand: but maybe you just haven’t met the right girl yet- don’t give up! It then goes on to: but you should be passing on the family name- you’re the only one who can, so it’s your responsibilty… I think my new response- true to my subculture’s camp-style in which it is considered weakness- in such a “light argument”- to show that you actually care; avoidance of an emotionally-charged response is required attire to triumph: I really shouldn’t be a parent; psychological problems you know…
Keep up your good work Bee… it helps.
Arundathi,
‘I don’t breed well in captivity.’ LOL
I must use this one, if only to see the effect.
I like you for your bitchiness
But I was facing the “when are u getting married?” for almost 4 years and to everyone I would say “tomorrow” which will paste a pig patch of surprise on their face and I would move on!
There is a connection between the first part and the second of this post.
Enouhg material here to make nosey parkers turn as red as beets!!
I’d take “bitchy” as a compliment! Please don’t take my bitchiness away from me at 50! Most powerful women were called bitchy to put them in their place.No no! Bitchy is alive and vibrant. Confident and straight forward! Brava for bitchy, I say!
bitchy and you?..nay!…keep them coming ok!..:)