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On Bitching and Beets
November 13, 2008 | 62 Comments
I’ve been informed by some readers that they don’t like my Sophisticated Insults series, ‘cos “they come across as bitchy.” Well, there’s hope. A recent study shows that women become less bitchy after the age of 50. Give me some time.
Women become less bitchy as they get older, scientists claim. They say those aged 50 and over are more likely to warm to other females because they no longer see them as rivals. Many are keen to befriend younger women or even mother them, the study found.
As for men, they blow the women out of the water when it comes to bitchiness.
A UK recruitment website which questioned thousands of visitors about office life discovered that men, rather than women, are the true office gossips.
Not only that, they are more likely to take bribes, sleep their way to the top, steal the ideas of a colleague and pass them off as their own or to resort to character assassination.
The survey was designed to assess how politically correct office life had become, but instead demonstrated just how far it has yet to go. Bad behaviour is rife, if the anonymous correspondents are to be believed. And men are at the heart of most of it.
More than six times as many men as women admitted they would spread rumours at work. Four times as many men as women said they would steal a colleague’s idea. Meanwhile men were three times more likely to sleep with their boss in a bid to get ahead.
However, the authors note: “Females did outdo their male counterparts with ‘playing the sympathy vote’ to advance their careers.”
Worse, there’s no study to show that men get better with age. That’s the evidence backed up by behavioural analysis conducted by experts. Now here’s my own conjecture based on observation, filtered through my biased frame of reference.
I find it interesting that the word ‘bitchy’ is always used to refer to females – especially by other women. I suspect most times, female bitchiness is directed at their own gender, while men are equal opportunity bitches who target those around them without discrimination.
I also suspect that ‘bitchy’ has a more pejorative connotation than ’snarky’. Jai’s capable of some real zingers, but he’d be accused of being snarky, rarely bitchy. It’s just a matter of semantics, and both of us concur that the Sophisticated Insults are meant to make the other person ponder for a moment before he/she repeats the offensive behaviour. They are BANKING on you to subscribe to the cult of ‘nice’ and humour their lack of boundaries. It’s okay to disappoint them.
I’ve observed that while women may get less ‘bitchy’ as they get older, they get nosier and ask more inappropriate questions than their younger counterparts. These questions, followed by ‘advice’, are almost always aimed at other women, disguised as ‘concern’ or altruism (“I was trying to hellllppppp.”) The reasons for giving unsolicited advice are often less than desirable. Whether you’re at a party or on a long-distance train journey, someone’s bound to ask:
“Why aren’t you married yet?”
or
“Why haven’t you had a baby yet?”
My preferred responses are:
“Can you keep a secret??? So can I.”
or
“Never, ‘cos I just love hearing this question.”
or
I’ll forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering.
Most men will consider the topic closed at this juncture. Many women, though, can’t help plowing on. It doesn’t matter if she met you for the first time five minutes ago or is a relative. If you open the door just a crack by attempting an honest answer, (like “I don’t want kids.”) YOU. ARE. TOAST.
Nine times out of ten, the person is above 50, female, and is very proud of her own demonstrated ability to procreate. She is brimming with wisdom that she shares without any solicitation on your part. “You’d make such a good mothheerrrrr.” “You need to complete your fammmilleeeee.”
I thought my family was already “complete”. I guess not. Jai and I are chopped liver until we produce Xerox copies of ourselves.
I imagine most of you are inclined to be nicer than I am. What would you say to the “start a family” bit? Make the retort no longer than ten words, please. I’ll need to use it after I turn fifty. Until then, if accosted by one of these “concerned aunties” (or “uncles”), I’m inclined to say:
What’s your sex life like? (pause) Oh, sorry, I thought it was the time for inappropriate questions.
**Bee climbs off soapbox**
Beet, Carrot and Apple Juice
Coming to beets (if you’re trying to forge a connection with the previous section of the post, there isn’t any), they’re probably the most polarizing vegetable. People either love them or hate ‘em. They’ve gradually grown on me. To put it in election parlance, they’re like Ohio – started off as a “toss up state”, then “leans Obama”, then “blue”.
I realise that I like the flavour of beets. It’s the cumbersome prep that got to me. Steam or roast them, then peel them, then chop them and wonder what to do with them. Moreover, I love the flavour of raw grated beets in a salad much more than I like them cooked.
We got a lot of beets in our garden this year which we grew mostly for the beet greens.
The easiest and tastiest way to consume them is by juicing them with other veggies and fruits. Taste them raw, no peeling required.
I used
2 parts carrots (ours were homegrown)
2 parts apples
1 part beets
a tiny knob of ginger
I’m going to buy more beets just to make this again.
This is our entry for Jihva for Ingredients: Carrots hosted by The Best Cooker.
Talk to you next Monday.
- bee
A MEMORIAL CELEBRATION FOR BRIANA
The Brownlow-Brush-Grey family has organised an event to commemorate Briana’s life and memory on December 14, 2008 in Santa Rosa, California. It would have been her 32nd birthday. If you wish to attend, please RSVP by November 23. Details at figswithbri.com.
Apple, beetroot/beet, Carrot, GARDENING, Ginger, MUSINGS, Sophisticated Insults Series, vegan recipes, vegetarian recipes
This type of comments are not just related to older women (I mean 50+). Comments by such generation dont surprise me anymore…thats all they have in life…peeking in others lives. What annoys me is girls of our own age make such comments …just to annoy you…and have fun at your cost. they deserve a whack on their face!! They are the real bitches and I am learning to get bitchier to such bitches..which doesnt make me the real bitch. confusing ha? thats the way it is…
and btw…such comments dont stop even after having kids! They find alternate routes to get to you…how about “ghosh…how do you do it? I would never do that to my kids!!”
hell…not do what?? discipline them??
How about : I’m practicing
so I can have perfect babies!
“I am infertile and he is sterile!” – with a sad face, almost ready to burst into tears.
Some of those answers ‘kill me’… hahahaha
I dodged that question for 12 years of marriage (then I succumbed to peer pressure and had a great kid – but THAT is another story). My answer was ALWAYS “We enjoy practicing”. Always shut them up. No matter WHO they were….
Stunning… these insults are worth their weight in gold…. I have a list of questions I constantly field.. maybe I could e-mail them across..? You are bound find it good fodder for these posts
Oh my!!! I love you Bee ..
About those ugly intruders who love to gossip… My only answer to them is Mind your own business..
But sometimes if its relatives, I am like what the heck?? who cares??? I am already dreading this Bee as I am going to India in mid December.. Questions start from ” Noel is already 7???” as if the heaven falls if I dont have one more
“Noel will be so lonely while growing up n blah blah blah”
I used to just SMILE n walk off… But this time… I am gonna say ……
did you guess Bee????
Your blog, your bitchiness – rock on!
I have discovered that the only way I love beet is when it is grated raw and then mixed with lemon juice, some crushed peanuts/grated coconut and green chillies. Im sticking to that discovery.
Another discovery I have made is that after I turned 30 I lost all patience with nosy parkers – all queries about having a baby were met with very very in-your-face retorts rather than the usual smile I used to have pasted on in my late twenties. So I doubt I will mellow with age!
My contribution to your brilliant stockpile of verbal ripostes
Question “when are you planning a family”
Answer: “We are a family”
Miri
As my friend always says for the question abt baby – I’m wating for the self-cleaning one’s to arrive.
Q: when are you having a baby?
A: I’ve placed the order but they’re backed up.
Hahaha! This is hilarious and you never ever turn 50 ok!
Bitchiness was never as much as in style as you made it out to be! It suits u, u know and I meant it as a compliment! 
Well that question always gets one standard boring comment from me – “soon
”
I’m one of those lurkers that has been enjoying your blog for quite some time now. And I have most enjoyed your SI series, esp this one. Thank you for all your lovely posts and pictures.. they are a treat to the mind and eyes.
I have been asked questions on having kids many times by the concerned relatives too.. and have always fallen short of retorts (mostly ‘cos the good daughter-in-law is supposed to grin and bear it!). But here’s one that just popped in my head “You have really nice kids. How about giving me some pointers on how you do it?” But, on second thought, maybe that would open the door to more ‘advice’! I will certainly try one of yours next time!
Thanks again!
then next time someone asks when your going to have kids just say something like why do you ask, jealous of my freedom.