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Thinking of Briana
October 19, 2008 | 56 Comments
For the past few days I’ve been quite unwell – fever, sore throat, a blocked nose and runny eyes. Plus, Jai’s away. I can’t leave the house ‘cos I feel too unwell to drive. I feel self-pity until I think of Briana.
Bri would trade anything to be in my shoes right now. All of you locked hands to build her a little comfort zone as she fought to stop the aggressive spread of cancer through her body.
We visited her last month and posted an update.
Her mother-in-law Cynthe’s latest e-mail arrived after they celebrated an early Thanksgiving last weekend. Bri’s always brimming with ideas, and this was one of them – an impromptu gathering of friends and family to count their blessings and express gratitude to and for each other. A few phone calls and e-mails later, they had a houseful of people coming together to spread some love, laughs, and enjoy a memorable meal.
As for Bri’s health, Cynthe says:
Bri is coping with her cancer journey as best as she can, with lots of loving help from family, friends and kindly medical personnel. Bri’s now on a management program of weekly taps to clear up the excessive pleural fluids in her lungs. The two compression fractures in her neck have not been responding to treatment, however the cervical collar has kept her pain free – an incredible miracle in itself. She remains cheerful, positive, sweet, and grateful.
Her family has signed her up for hospice care. Please keep her in your thoughts.
Somehow, I’d forced myself to think I’d never have to hear it. Our sweet, precious Briana – all of 30 years of age – is going into hospice care.
I sent her a letter a few days ago. I didn’t plan what I would say. Just sat down with pen and paper and wrote and wrote until I ran out of words. Then I read it for typos, ran out and mailed it. One is easily tempted to say “be brave, stay strong.” Thankfully, I didn’t. Who am I to tell her how she should respond?
What would you say to your friend going through the darkest moments in her life?
- b.
Filed Under: breast-cancer, Briana Brownlow, Defeat Cancer, MUSINGS, NaBloWriMo
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56 Comments
Remember your remedy for stuffed anything-
”a mug of hot chocolate with a shot of brandy, then a movie with some hot dude in it (like brad pitt, preferably topless), then a margarita.”:D
But seriously,I’m hopeless at saying things to comfort people, so probably would say ”You can count on me ”, and make sure I’m there when needed. And yes, Briana will be in my thoughts and so will you. Take care.
I’m not too good at saying comforting words, so Warm Hugs to u, take care!
Wishing Briana good luck and God Bless!
Sometimes there are really no words to say. I would just be with them if possible and try to comfort and support them in whichever lil’ way i can. i completely agree with you that saying “stay strong” is easier said than done.
My love and best wishes to dear Bri!
Hugs to you, Bee.
hey there…just remember prayers can do miracles and giving enormous strength is one of them! Just hang in there…n we’ll pray for Bri!
Oh Bee. Thank you for letting us know. This is heartbreaking to learn.
Thanks for the reminder to appreciate the good things in our lives. In one way, Brianna is very lucky, to have a friend like you.
I guess I would simply say “I’m here for you”.
So sorry to hear that. Oh why does this happen to the best of people? How amazing she is.
I honestly dont know what I’d say other than what Maryann said, I’ll be here for you and I love you.
I totally agree with Sunita. Sometimes my positive outlook hurts more than it helps, and I often have to bite my tongue. For me, listening and praying is the best I should manage.
I did not expect this news. I am still hoping that you will write a post asking to support us for her alternative management therapy for next year.
Bri is in my prayers.
Hope you feel better soon, Bee.
That is really sad news about Bri. I don’t know what to say! Prayers and love for Bri.
God Bless You
Prayers dear Bee.
“She remains cheerful, positive, sweet, and grateful.”
She is an inspiration, how many of us are like that even when we have everything?
Please take care of yourself, praying for Brianna and her amazing friend.
There are no words that would suffice, but your grace says much, Bee. I’m sorry to read this news, for you, and for all that love this brave soul. Peace, may it smile its gift upon all.
I hope you feel better soon.
I’m finally nudge to delurk and offer a bit of commiseration at such sad news. It is indeed difficult if not impossible to say what our hearts are feeling at a time like this without sounding like a cliche.Face to face it is so much easier to convey…a gentle touch of the hand and loving eyes say it all, don’t they? Ah, the beauty and nuances of body language. Words don’t cut it, do they? I think enclosing in a letter some little found treasure – a feather, a lovely leaf – with the sentiment that you are thinking of her would not only be a small joy at the receiving, but would touch her heart, thinking of you, each time see gazed upon it.
Sad news… But Bri is lucky enough to get such a friend like you. I still keep her in my prayers.
Take care of yourself & get well soon Bee!
Keep strong, Bri! All my prayers for you. Get well soon to you, Bee.
Bee cheer up! Aga bol na tyachyashi. June diwas athav jehva tumhi doghe ektra nahvtat aNi odh vataychi. Thoda sa khatyalpana will do you good. Recreate it. Then you will have a memory store of these days too
. Pahilyanda evdhe diwas gela aahe ka to? Take care of yourself have lots of Rasam/ soups. Hugs to you.
As for Bri I can only admire her strength. God bless.
Aww so sad
oh thats sad news indeed. she has been blessed to have so many loving friends and family around her.
take care, bee and hope you feel better soon.
I am too bad to comforting people. But I would like to sit beside and take her hands in mine and give a gentle hug!
Been thinking of you. Thought I might call to see how you’re doing but the day slipped away. I didn’t expect to hear that you were feeling unwell.
Been thinking of Bri, too. And have been paralyzed into inaction.
What do you say to a friend who is suffering so? I don’t know. It’s not something you can plan for. Say what’s in your heart. Or don’t say anything – just hold each other.
Sorry to hear about Bri… I agree with Manisha..It’s not something you can plan for. I don’t expect any of my friend to fall sick… just hold each other..
Get well soon Bee..
so sorry you are not well bee, get well soon. sucks about briana..
That’s something I constantly wonder – how do you say the right thing? Maybe your presence, if they don’t mind, will make up for awkward words.
At least Bri is pain-free, that’s a tiny bit of comfort. Get well soon, Bee!
It was a bit sad to hear about Bri. All I can think of is her unflagging spirit and courage, her loving and supportive family and friends and that she is free of pain. Thank God for those.
What do say?
Nothing really because what can one say? Just be there for them so they know they can count on you. That’s the most important thing.
And take care and get well soon, Bee.
What would you say to your friend going through the darkest moments in her life?
“That,I am with you”…..take care
I am too coward at heart to say anything in an emotionally painful situation… because I know for sure that I’ll only breakdown and cry.
Really sad… I would say: “I’m with you!”.
Cheers and all the best,
Rosa
An update on Bri, tks. Her sufferings would b purely hers, but the comfort she will get, the abstract power she will get by knowing how many are there to support her, is what will help her pass through.
“What would you say to your friend going through the darkest moments in her life?”
A friend knows that we are there for her, without words, pray and keep in touch with only positive talks — atleast to take the person’s mind off the ‘darkest moments’ to brightness for whatever time we can. That’s what we do!
Very tough to put my thoughts into words…*SIGH*
A heart felt post.
I woudn’t know what to write, what can you say be strong, brave etc….which i am sure everybody is saying to her.
I am not a relegiuos person, but have to admit when ever i say a prayer, she is always with me.
I agree with Manisha’s “hold each other’s hands.” It’s definitely meaninful than words.
But if that’s not possible, sending positive energy (reiki) can be done.
Bee, if you schedule a time, all of us can sit down and send positive thoughts and prayers at the same time to our dear Bri. I strongly believe in group prayers and good vibration. Even if 50% of your visitors do this it will be a huge thing.
The strength that they show makes me look upto them in awe and wonder if I could ever garner such courage. No words from me would ever suffice, and all I can then do, is pray for their every wish and hope to come true. Take care Bee, hugs >:D<
that was me in the above comment…
I really wouldn’t know what to say. I would probably give her a hug. The more I read about Bri, the more I’m in awe of her – she’s one courageous woman, an inspiration for all of us. Take care Bri – my thoughts are with you.
Take care Bee and stay warm.
Sad to hear the recent update on Bri… Sometimes, we don’t have to say anything but just be there for them. When my friend lost her dad (a week before her university exams), all I could do was go and spend time with her.. just sit with her quietly… because I felt there was nothing I could say to make her feel better… but I know she was content to not be by herself. Your support, love and thoughts is all Bri needs right now. Her courage is stunning and admirable.
This is the irst time i am posting though I visit yr blog almost daily..I visit it less for the food and more for yr nature and outlook.
I dont know Bri, but I have gone thru what u are going thru, watching helplessly as someone slips away..
I wish daily that I could have written a letter letting the person know how much their life had meant to me, even though it was being unfairly cut short. how their living on the same planet even before this crisis was a whiff of precious fragrance. how their love and work mean much more than they will ever know. That they mean something to you. That you will be distrught when they will leave. and That it is not fair . At all. That they are not defined by this crisis, ( sorry i cant say “that” word). That though they are fighting a battle that cannot be won, they have already WON the war in flying colors.
Thanks for update about Bri. I think Bri must be happy to receive your mail. I guess a good chat with a friend is a great moral booster for anyone suffering with any illness. Just the feeling that people care about them acts as a big prayer.
Take care of your health Bee. My mom makes a pepper-turmeric milk for the throat congestion. If you haven’t tried it (and don’t have any milk allergies) give it a try. It helps a lot.
Get well soon B. Thank you for Bri’s update. About words, it’s hard to craft it beforehand. A ex-colleague work was diagnosed with cancer and I had the same thing… what do I say… But when I saw her, I said what was on my mind…
my hubby was in africa, and i was down with flu and fever and trying to work and manage my son last week, it was so horrible…. but i know bri would still want to trade places with us… my well wishes to her. All you can do is just be with her, which you are already.
Take care Bee..
Some years back,my friend mother met with a very bad accident….i didnt know what to say to her…..i was trying to talk to her and donnt know when we both started to cry…we just sat there for long time..barely spoke…
Bri,my prayers are always with you….
Hi bee,
I came across your blog a few days ago and was awed. You have a unique theme and style, and as is obvious, a lot of compassion for folks around you. I can imagine how hopeless you and your friend’s family must feel, having gone through something similar myself. But my prayers are with you.
As for the cold, a strong cup of adrak chai, some pepper and honey, and a hot toddy at night should have you feeling better. And the not to be forgotten Vicks
ciao!
hi Bee, moving post, and I am too emotional for words…God Bless..my love and prayers will be with Bri..take care.
I always wonder why such pain happen to nice people. I am just not good at saying things except ” I am here for u”. All the prayers for Bri going her way.
& u take care and get well soon.
I held my sedated friend Christelle’s hand the day before she passed away at the age of 29 and told her stories of the best memories we had made together. I reminded her of all the happiest times and told her that I’d always rememeber them. And I told her I was sorry that I could not accompany her on the last leg of her journey. I don’t know if she could hear me but I believe she did.
If I could have been there when my mom passed away five years ago yesterday, I would have told her over and over again how much I loved her and how I loved that she had subtly shaped every wrinkle of my personality.
Bri and her family are in my prayers, as are you, dear Bee.
I was so sorry to hear that Bri is in hospice now at 30 years old. So sad. She will be in my thoughts and prayers. It doesn’t seem fair does it?
What would I say to someone? It would be hard, but I would say something. It would depend who.
When my mother who was dying I promised we would keep her at home and we did. She was happy for that. She couldn’t say much at the end so we combed her hair and washed her up, brought her ice chips and made her comfortable.
Also when the end was very near we told her it was okay to go and that her mother and family would be waiting for her.
Hi Bee,
am back to the blogging circuit after a looong break. But this post was not something I really am happy to read. Its heart rending to say the least and hearing about her, I frankly dont really feel that bad for your runny nose either! ( sorry for that though..you shudnt have combined the posts!)
And u r so right when you said “who am I to tell her how she should be?” Exactly! All i can say is Pray! and to appreciate every single moment in our lives! Count our blessings! Sometimes they are simply not obvious until we come across such moments.
BTW, you pls take care too….at least until Jai is back to take care of you
Hi,i visited here a while ago and was so sad to read about Bri,my prayers are with her and her family,God Bless them all.You are a great friend ,just be there for her any little thing will help ,you really don’t even have to say a word,my neighbor has been battling breast cancer for the past 2 years,now it has spread to her lungs,liver and bones,
sometimes i just hold her hands or give her a hug and i know it makes her feel a little bit better,i know because i have been fighting my own battle and even a little smile from my family and friends and that same little hug with my neighbor gives me a lot of courage to fight another day. My neighbor is a wonderful woman and it does’nt matter how sick she is she is always here for me ,god bless her,i pray every day for her and every one who is fighting this disease to come out victorious.
Thanks for the update on dear Bri! So sad to hear about her present condition. May god bless her!
Take care of yourself Bee!