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Rocktober is here!!! Let the insults roll.

October 1, 2008 |

It’s time for NaBloWriMo - National Blog Writing Month !!!

It’s Amy’s brainchild and everyone who participates gets free lip balm that she makes herself. My camera has been gathering dust in a corner and we haven’t cooked much either. J’s going to be spending much of the month at airports and hotel rooms. As usual, he will steal my lip balm and proceed to misplace it.

Amy to the rescue !!! To obtain that new stick of lip balm, I will b!tch and moan once a day for 31 days. I’m in august company.

To simplify this project, I came up with a recurring theme: Insults.

“If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.” - J. Russell Lynes

If someone is disrespectful or patronising and I am too tongue-tied to retort, I berate myself for days for not coming up with an appropriate response. Yes, silence can be an effective answer to an insult. However, I deem the most magnificent response to be one where you zing ‘em right back without sounding confrontational. They just end up feeling vaguely uncomfortable, possibly remorseful based on what their original motivations were.

I call them “sophisticated insults.” Through October, every day I plan to post classy insults culled from various sources.

We kick off the Sophisticated Insults Series with my hands-down favourite:

Insult #1

That sounds like something you would say.

Savour every syllable as you say it softly with the emphasis on ‘YOU’.

It’s good to rehearse this in front of the mirror, especially if you deal with overbearing idiots on a regular basis. Like this bobblehead from Faux News who walked into a diner in Pennsylvania and asked the people there to state their support for the two candidates in the presidential election.

WATCH THE VIDEO in full-screen mode. Don’t miss the feisty grandma in the pink dress. The guy next to her tries, weakly, to raise his hand for McCain (at 0:13 seconds). She slaps it down and raises BOTH her hands for Obama. LOL.

The verdict??? 10:1 in favour of Obama. Not what the spin doctor anticipated, so he calls it a “split vote in favour of Obama” in a “battleground area”.

Now imagine someone saying to him on camera: “That sounds like something YOU would say.” Effective and enigmatic at once.

Tomorrow is the vice-presidential debate between Biden and Barbie. The pundits are on steroids speculating about his approach. Will he wipe the floor with her? Or let her slowly savour the taste of her own foot?

Biden is in a bind. Should he go all-out on the offensive? Or treat her with kid gloves so as not to come across as arrogant and patronising? The bar has been set so low, that if Barbie spells “soccer mom” right, she will be adjudged the winner by the pundits.

I think he should respond to everything that emerges from her oral orifice with a beatific: “That sounds like something YOU would say.” Then watch her implode. What can the media say??

I say, to heck with them both. I want Peter for vice-president.

- Bee.

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SPEAK YOUR MIND

26 Comments so far

  1. nags on October 1, 2008 10:57 pm

    let the insults begin!

  2. Happy Cook on October 1, 2008 11:17 pm

    Yeah i agree with nags let the insults behgin.
    I know what you mean, when someone say something bad to me and if i don’t reply fast , then i will thinking for days in my mind ueaj i should have told this or that back :-)
    One of my best way is to say thankyou in a special manner that it is not thankyou at all :-)

  3. Jen Yu on October 1, 2008 11:21 pm

    you slay me, sistah. my posts will be so milquetoast by comparison :) maybe i should ramp it up and start cussing more?

  4. Aparna on October 1, 2008 11:21 pm

    This should be fun. I’ll be cheering from the sidelines. :D

  5. sra on October 1, 2008 11:45 pm

    Oral orifice? Now that sounds dirty without being. :-D

  6. Arundathi on October 2, 2008 12:55 am

    oooh i love that line. now if only i can remember to say it at the appropriate time!

  7. Purnima on October 2, 2008 1:20 am

    N wots more, u will surely remember the mumbai govt offices hving the top charters…do it wt a smileeee! :D

  8. Purnima on October 2, 2008 1:27 am

    Oh–blooper! Read - Chart toppers wt selective insulting words-they also do it wt a stupid smile!

  9. sia on October 2, 2008 2:37 am

    OMG!!! one full month of Bee’s rants!

  10. Alka on October 2, 2008 4:47 am

    Abh mazaa aayega…..i am sure u r gonna take full advantage of this opportunity…Wow i am so thrilled tht FMMN will be here on this blog for one whole month…lol
    Curious to know how will u proceed in coming days…
    Wish u loads of luck…oops wish those ppl instead ..loads of luck.. who are going to become ur target in coming days

  11. Mamatha on October 2, 2008 6:25 am

    Woohoo! Laissez les bons insults rouler. I’m loving it.

  12. Mansi on October 2, 2008 8:36 am

    I just love how you guys Insult!:) hehehe…just got back from my vaaction yesterday, and what a start with your rant!:D

  13. Kay on October 2, 2008 8:52 am

    That sounds like something you would say.

    Omg! I love it. Bring it on!!!

  14. Cham on October 2, 2008 9:19 am

    Series of insults… Sure you gonna rock it Gal !

  15. Ashwini on October 2, 2008 9:36 am

    So NaBloWriMo becomes NaBloRaMo - ranting month!Trust you to actually have a month full of insults in your kitty :)
    Oral orifice? That sounds like something you would say!!!
    Good luck and between you and Manisha October promises to be an entertaining month.

  16. Priya on October 2, 2008 9:47 am

    woohooo! Manisha and you are going to make this whole month so much more fun :)
    I used that line once and I don’t care about the other person but I sure felt such a huge sense of satisfaction, its a ‘punch on your face’ expression.

  17. Madhuram on October 2, 2008 10:28 am

    Even I cannot reply quickly Bee. Instead I think about it over and over in my head, spoil my sleep and cry. I’m going to follow this series daily.

  18. Rachna on October 2, 2008 10:41 am

    oh cooool… i can never get enough of jugalbandeeee… hey where is the click theme for october?

  19. Lex Fortis on October 2, 2008 10:57 am

    Thanks so much for your kind support. Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can have two votes. Peter

  20. Bharti on October 2, 2008 11:21 am

    Hoohoo..what fun.
    I’m one of those people who know what to say hours after the moment has passed.
    Looking forward to learning how to zing!

  21. shilpa on October 2, 2008 2:37 pm

    God bless Amy for coming up with this idea. I am so happy to see both you and Manisha taking it up. It will be a very interesting month :).

  22. Manisha on October 2, 2008 3:37 pm

    I will put my air-popper to good use every evening!

    Tonight though I have asked for a strong Martini. A white Russian without milk or cream - a dose of Bailey’s instead.

    BTW, why are you calling me august? I am october. (I call this the Palin effect.)

  23. Srivalli on October 3, 2008 9:53 am

    Now this is something thats going to be fun…Bee you can rant for all you like…we are in august company too!

  24. TheCooker on October 4, 2008 7:43 pm

    A month full of insults?
    Bring them on :)

  25. Pelicano on October 5, 2008 9:16 am

    “Drop by again sometime when you can’t stay so long.”

  26. Lakshmi on October 13, 2008 1:19 am

    seems..people are in ‘enjoy bee’s rant’s’ mood :P will watch for NaBloRoMo posts ;)

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